Is it ever OK to date your best friend's ex?

**Fatsausage** · Joined: 02 Aug 2009 Posts: 159 Location: U bloodey K :/

...Especially if its less than 10 days after they split up.

This is the situation I'm in atm. My best friend for 5 years asked me if he could date my ex girlfriend of 10 days from a year last night, and I, not knowing how to react said I was OK with it.

1 sleepless night ahead and I'm already regretting my decision...

Was it the right choice to make? Or am I risking losing the 2 closest people to me?...

And, I guess to keep the thread open for discussion, looking from the best-friend's perspective; Is it ever OK to date a friend's ex?
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**Yewb** · Joined: 10 Jan 2008 Posts: 3020 Location: Plymouth, UK

Your best friend sucks. Seriously. Dick move.
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expertwin wrote:

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Serious advice now: No-one likes indecision in their work, so find what you like that you're even remotely good at, and stick with it. Don't flit from one thing to another, because that just smacks of a large lack of determination and drive. And people don't like you for that, and won't remember you for it. I mean, I get that you have a plucky spirit and a willingness to try new things, but there's a limit, man.

I might knock it down to just Thursday and Friday.

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**qays1991** · Joined: 31 Jan 2008 Posts: 434 Location: UK

Uh... I think it's ok, but providing you get some sort of consent from your best friend?

I think though I think!

Edit: Oh forgive me, I just read it wrongly. Um... perhaps you gotta learn to let go? And your best friend, at least he did ask to get some way of consent, but I don't think it was necessarily the best way to get consent from you?
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**qays1991** · Joined: 31 Jan 2008 Posts: 434 Location: UK

Oh yeah, also, I'm not sure if it was the right choice to make, but if you do feel you risk losing 2 of your closest people... maybe you gotta find some way to try eliminate that feeling. As to how... that's beyond my knowledge of understanding as I think this deals more under Human Psychology which I have almost 0% knowledge about.
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**MOPP** · Joined: 22 Oct 2007 Posts: 193 Location: Aberdeen, Scotland

I am now with my brothers ex, and have been for near 3 years. I am 19, and my brother and her both like 14 at the time when they were together, it probably sounds much weirder than the situation was, but there was a lot more to it than just getting with her..

But yeah, it all depends on how you feel about it. If you still have feelings for her, and it was a serious relationship, then I dont think you're friend should even expect you to be alright with it. And if the break-up was bad, and theres still issues between the 2 of you, then I dont think its alright. But if you can see yourself getting over her, then I guess it would be alright.
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**singemfrc** · Joined: 10 Aug 2007 Posts: 4407 Location: California

Its not ever ok, and to do it this soon is a serious dick move. That soon and I would wonder if he was not already seeing her and contributed to your breakup.
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**InflatablePie** · Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Posts: 2022 Location: Syrinx

Asking that soon is a bit odd (and kind of a dick move), but you did consent to it.

From the other perspective, it's better to ask said friend first, always. So at least he did that, rather than just asking her out without mentioning anything to you.

On that note, if he was already fooling around with her (like singer was saying above), why would he ask your permission to date her? If he was that much of a douche already, he wouldn't have cared. So singer's being a little overly suspicious. :P

If you're really uncomfortable with your decision, talk to your friend and tell him how you feel, dude. In the meantime, just try to keep your mind off of your ex as much as possible.

[E] Just curious, how old are the parties involved?
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PiemanLK wrote:

Eastwinn wrote:

Right, but if you had the chocolate bar in your heart all along, no one would need to work. Did consider that?

If you have a chocolate bar in your heart I suggest seeking medical attention.

**qays1991** · Joined: 31 Jan 2008 Posts: 434 Location: UK

**Brockbfball1563** · Joined: 29 Apr 2007 Posts: 3245 Location: Rochester, NH

I'm reluctant to call him an asshole or something because there's stuff we don't know. For all you know, he could have been in love with her the entire time you were going out but never said anything. If this is true, then he probably didn't want to wait too long so he wouldn't miss his chance again.

Of course, this isn't likely. Assuming he hasn't been madly in love with her for years or something crazy like that, yeah, 10 days is just way to soon. I'm not saying it's never okay to date a best friend's ex, but 10 days after breaking up? Wow. It's good that he at least asked you before going to her, but unfortunately, you said it was okay, which I know you regret doing now. If this bothers you that much, you should go to your friend and explain the situation and that you'd rather him not date her since you still have strong feeling for her. If he's really your best friend, he SHOULD simply say okay and stop hanging around with her.

Maybe a long time from now and everyone's moved on and it's really not awkward anymore (there's a chance this may never happen if you two were really close), then sure, maybe then it would be okay for him to date her if he asked you beforehand. But yeah, unless he's seriously in love with her, which I doubt, then he shouldn't have even considered it never mind actually asking you.
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**b.vicious** · Joined: 29 Jun 2007 Posts: 2075 Location: Internet

I'm reading it, and I'm not sure whether you and your ex dated for 10 days and it's been 1 year since the break up, or dated for a year and it's been 10 days since the break up.

If it's dated for 10 days and 1 year since the breakup, you need to move on, and there is nothing wrong with him asking for your permission in that circumstance. The general "bro-code" that I've constantly heard of is waiting 3 months after the break up. And if you only dated for 10 days, clearly the relationship wasn't good if it ended that early, so why would there still be a connection?

If it's dated for 1 year and he's asking you after 10 days. You need a new friend, because I promise you he had something to do with your breakup. Clearly he has no sympathy for your feelings, all he cares about is himself. Your ex more than likely cheated on you if this is what happened. Kick this douchebag to the curb.
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**b.vicious** · Joined: 29 Jun 2007 Posts: 2075 Location: Internet

sorry accidental double post
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**Squirrel** · Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2011 7:52 pm Post subject:

**krisdaschwab912** · Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 6567 Location: UW-Eau Claire

**blingdomepiece** · Joined: 03 Aug 2007 Posts: 4358 Location: Ottawa ON Canada

**FreeXBird** · Joined: 24 Mar 2007 Posts: 2485

Not to be mean or question your ex or anything, but if she's willing to just start dating someone a little over a week after dating another person for a year, that might tell you something about what kind of person she is or at least how she values relationships