Hmmm...some advice on a girl "problem"

**kainiac**

Alright guys, heres the deal. So I will be calling myself Me, my best friend (a girl) B, and her old boyfriend D. Okie Dokie, so I first got acquainted with these guys last year, my freshman year in high school. They were both in band/chorus/ theatre, so I saw the A LOT. He was a senior and she was a junior. They were that couple who were together for like 3 years that EVERYONE knows. Ok, well during the winter last year, D did all this shit to her, like cheated on her and broke up with her for a girl in my grade, and all this shit. Everyone thought he was a douche before this, buy this just further proved it to us. Well Spring rolls around, and guess whose back together? Yup, B and D. Well, their relationship was "ok" for awhile, or so I thought. b and I hung out over this summer a lot, and thats when we got to be reallly really close. We were hanging out all the time and it was awesome. So, as most guys who hang out with girl for awhile, I developed a massive crush on her. Well since she was still with D, nothing was gonna happen. Ok, well I went to dinner with a bunch of guys, including D, in August. D had already been to college, and all he was talking about was how many girls he'd fucked and blow jobs he had gotten since being at college. I was bullshit to say the least. B was my best friend, so I couldn't just let this slide, I couldn't. So one day when we were hanging out, I told her. She thought he was lying and making it up to just seem tough around us. I was kinda shocked that she thought his, but there was nothing I could do. They eventually decided to mutually break up because of him going to college. Then in late September, he got a new girlfriend from school. This made her really upset and she came to me about it. She was saying how he always came back and said he loved her, but then went to school and did all this shit behind her back. Well I comforted her as any good friend would, and that was it. Well I still like her, and D is out of the picture now. Now my question for you guys is this. We've been hanging out a lot and stuff, and she knows I like her, she almost uses it as a toy against me, I don't know how to describe it. But lately, like the last 2 weeks or so, she has been texting me non stop. She's been drawing me pictures and calling me all these cute nicknames, all that jazz. So guys, is she flirting with me or just toying with me cause she knows I like her? Idk, sometimes it seems like she really does like me, and other times it seems like she just wants to hear me say all the wonderful shit about her cause she doesn't have D to say it anymore. I'm horrible at reading girls. I've asked other friends, and they all give mixed opinions. Since she is a senior and I'm a sophomore, and she is the best looking girl I have ever met, and I'm not the cream of the crop, it is a little far fetched. But what are your opinions on my situation guys (or girls)?
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**PieGuy** · Joined: 01 Mar 2007 Posts: 2836 Location: Long Island, NY

Ask her out.

**Social.AnXieTy** · Joined: 12 Nov 2007 Posts: 11 Location: Clay City, Kentucky

You might as well ask her if she likes you. I'd imagine that if she's putting that amount of work into the things shes doing, she'd like you back.

Yeah, ask her how she feels.
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**soundgarden** · Joined: 24 Jan 2007 Posts: 247 Location: Madison, WI

What do you mean by "using it as a toy against you?" Is she taking advantage of you liking her by getting you to do things for her or is she just joking about it sometimes? I have no idea if she's flirting with you or not, but I went through a similar situation some time ago minus the boyfriend, she starts IMing me and commenting on my pages on various social network sites more frequently, puting her head on my shoulder, etc. It turns out she had no intention of dating me, she was either unintentionally leading me on or being a bitch and fucking with my head. I'd say it's about 50-50 as to whether or not what she's doing is a good thing. The big red flags in my mind are that she's 2 years older than you and that there's a chance she's doing the same thing my friend did. My advice would be to stop paying attention to your friends' answers when you ask them about it (I asked the advice of my friends and every one of them thought she was into me, abd obviously they were wrong), and to ask her out. Make sure she knows that you're OK being friends (even if you're not), and for God's sake do it with confidence. The "Since she is a senior and I'm a sophomore, and she is the best looking girl I have ever met, and I'm not the cream of the crop, it is a little far fetched" attitude is the worst thing you can do and will lower your chances down to one notch above "nice shoes, wanna fuck?". I know I sounded pessimistic about her response, but that's just because with my personal experience in a similar situation things didn't work out, but you shouldn't let that discourage you because not all females are the same. And if you get rejected, act like it's no big deal. Just shrug it off and start pursuing the next girl on your list (just make sure she doesn't know she was in line behind someone else). Getting depressed about a rejection just convinces yourself and everyone around you that you're a loser and you will be miserable.
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**AKCallahan** · Joined: 23 Jun 2007 Posts: 374

**GuitarHailz** · Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 4910 Location: Austin, Texas

This is coming from a girl who doesn't have the capacity to "toy" with somebody, even if I wanted to, but I think she is interested. Girls want attention a lot, so it could be her way of displacing her need to flirt with D. Still, it sounds promising, so you've got nothing to lose.

Ask her out. Something simple like a school dance/event or the movies. And see how it goes. Then judge the situation from there. Good luck.

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**kainiac** · Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 10:16 pm Post subject:

**psuzeppelin5** · Joined: 07 Oct 2007 Posts: 2211 Location: Philadelphia, PA

Well, if you like her, and you think she might like you, ask her out. Also, if she knows you like her, it won't be a shock where if she were to say know, she wouldn't hang out with you. (sorry if the end confused you)
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**Cliff** · Joined: 06 May 2006 Posts: 3002 Location: Springfield, IL

There seems to be only two possible scenarios here:

1) She's not toying with you

If this is the case, asking her out would do a world of good. You already are close friends and know each other well. You would bypass the Getting To Know You* phase and move right on to a legit relationship. You care about each other, and everything will be rainbows and butterflies, or whatever.

2) She is toying with you

The easiest way to find out if she's toying with you (which I read as "leading you on") is to ask her out. If she's toying with you, she'll decline, but you'll know the truth. And, if she's the kind of girl who would do that to you, fuck her, you don't need to be around that kind of person. You deserve to be respected, especially by people who claim to be your friend.

So, basically, I recommend asking her out. If she says yes, woo hoo! If she says no, you'll know she was trying to fuck with your head and you can kick her to the curb and move on. Seems win-win to me. I wonder what Warlock's going to say about this one?

Caps courtesy of Youhas
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**agirua** · Joined: 12 Jun 2007 Posts: 431

either just man up and ask her out when you next see her (for fucks sake dont do it over any other medium other than face to face)
OR
Talk to her friends, see if they say she likes you, and if you get a yes, then go to her and just be like ''i was talking to X (her friend) and i asked her if you liked me, but she wouldn't answer ( THIS bit is to avoid B getting angry at her friend for actually telling you just incase she didn't want her friends telling anyone) and yeh
if she likes you she'l say yeh, and then ask her out there and then.
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**GallantPugly** · Joined: 14 May 2007 Posts: 1512 Location: Dallas, TX

I have been in pretty much the exact same situation minus all the drama from previous boyfriends and what not. She would "toy" with me because she knew I liked her. At first, you think that's all it is is a game. But, if she calls you nicknames and draws you pictures, you must be something special to her unless she goes out of her way that much for other guys.

Ask her out.
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**Confrontational** · Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 1:06 am Post subject:

I honestly couldn't say with any degree of certainty that I've been in your situation. I mean, I have a a few friends that are girls who you could say are ridiculously out of my league and act really kind towards me, but I couldn't really say I have a crush on any of them. My male friends speculate that it's because I'm gay, which would explain why they act so shifty around me.

What's more, I'm so oblivious to the "feminine charm" that they actually have an argument for saying so. From a historical perspective, the only way for me to find out that somebody likes me is for numerous people to point it out to me, and I mean literally drill the idea into my head, for months on end, or for that person to tell me directly, and even then I still don't get it most of the time.

That said, what I would do is simply sit her down and ask her about it, ask her if she really likes you, have a frank and open discussion on the matter. Secrecy in the matter couldn't possibly lead to a good conclusion. Be open about it.

But as someone who never went to high school and never understood women or romance, I may be the last person you'd want to take advice from on this matter.

Good luck, though!

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**woozerkristen** · Posted: Sat Dec 01, 2007 1:21 am Post subject:

I agree with GuitarHailz, she prolly likes you. If she's texting you constantly, that means she's thinking about you constantly, too, and I doubt that someone who was just looking to use you or toy with you would spend that much time thinking about you. Not to mention the drawings and such.

And don't forget -- girls can be horribly awkward at these things, too.
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**FretsOnFireGh2** · Joined: 01 Aug 2007 Posts: 1636 Location: Nowhere, Virginia

I was in pretty much the exact situation not too long ago. It seems like a long shot, but go ahead and ask her. What's the worst she can do, say no? I use this logic when doing everything, ask myself "What's the worst that could happen?" and if it's not too bad, just go for it. Like I said, all she can do is say no, and if she does then don't be embarassed, no more embarassed than you would when she was "toying with you." You can still be friends and all, I mean she knows you like her, so what's it changing? Or just tell her it seems like she's kinda flirting with you and ask her if that's what she's doing or something, it's really up to you.
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